Ok, so I haven't posted at all after my first entry. But that's just what I'm like when I'm depressed. I stop writing. That's a pretty big deal for me because I've kept a diary since I was tiny and I usually try to write in it every second day, at the very least. But at the moment I just can't seem to find the peace to do it. Last time that happened was in primary school when my friends moved away and I was kind of frozen out by all the other kids.
Anyway, I finally figured out that the most logical thing to do is just to list all the different reasons that I'm depressed and, hopefully, when I've listed them all I'll hit rock bottom and then I can start feeling better. I'm lousy at planning and stuff so these reasons will just be in any order, whatever comes to mind first.
Today's reason is this: I'm somewhat overweight - not very much, I'm mostly a size 42/44 - and my only excercise is dancing. I also have chocolate addiction and I don't get hungry very regularly so my eating is all over the place. The thing is, though, this far, dancing has kept my weigth in check. I haven't been gaining weight and when I was training for this competition I even lost weight. But all that training meant I overworked a muscle, and the only cure for that is rest. Now, I hardly moved during the whole summer so I thought that was taken care of but then when I went back to dance class in August I discovered that this was not the case.
Let me ask you: how am I supposed to live a healthy life if I can't control the eating and now can't excercise?! And besides being healthy, dancing was a great moodlifter for me. No wonder I'm depressed when I can't dance... But what the fuck am I supposed to do? I can't just heal tendons by a touch of my magical finger.
Aargh!
E.
"Go away. I'm all right."
~ H. G. Wells, last words
No comments:
Post a Comment